Personal Pronouns and Politeness

Language is a system of coding made up of sounds, building up to create morphemes, and then building up to make words. Studying linguistics means that we often focus on language and its structural components rather than looking at the wider interplay of language and the society it is based in. However, some fields of linguistics do look into this: sociolinguistics, corpus linguistics, and even language development look into the influence of nurture on children’s language development.

Growing up in a bilingual household, I have been a spectator to many unique language conundrums due to differences in languages. These have brought to my attention how the language you speak can influence your outlook on life and society.

My grandparents’ native language is Urdu. English and Urdu have different personal pronouns. Growing up, I never realised how fundamental this difference is in reflecting the cultures of the languages.

In Urdu, the choice of a personal pronoun is dictated by external factors, mainly respect/social status. Usually, if the person you are speaking to is older or less familiar to you, the word ‘aap’ is used to mean ‘you’. Conversely, if the person you are addressing is younger or more familiar to you, the word ‘tum’ is used. In English, the second person pronoun ‘you’ is used more generally; it can be used as both a singular and plural and unlike Urdu, cannot be changed based on social links. Archaic personal pronouns in English such as ‘thou” and “thee” were used for a similar purpose, however, their usage is not common in present everyday English.

This harmless difference between languages caused my grandparents to view ‘you’ as something confusing and different as there is no ‘polite’ form. To this day, if I use the word ‘you’ or even ‘tum’ without regard for social economics, I face a disapproving stare or even a talk on how I have unknowingly breached social etiquette, and am being impolite.

A few weeks ago, I slipped and accidentally called my grandmother as ‘you’. Upon my mistake, I asked her, for the first time, why she placed so much emphasis on the use of a single word. Her reply:

“I’m used to Urdu where you can show how polite you are being as it is part of the language. You are able to change the words that you are using, and if you are talking to someone who is older and deserves respect, it is shown in the way that you speak.”

I explained to her that there is actually no other way for me to say ‘you’ via the medium of the English language and she then declared that she’d rather me use ‘aap’ when referring to her as she was more used to it.

This scenario has been one that immediately comes to mind whenever I think about the effects language has on culture and the effects culture has on language. The relationship between language and culture is not linear, though. Language can be a medium of expressing culture, of sharing common cultural experiences and so on.

 

Khadijah Hasan